Happy (LATE) Birthday, Brandon...

Today would've been your 40th...
I would've teased you all day long~
Instead I sit here "numbing up"
Still tryna figure out what went wrong...
It hurts too much to think too hard
wond'ring what Life had in store
these past few months have hurt so much
It's heart-ACHE I can't ignore.
Regardless of my conscious mind
my heart & soul are still in shock
So when memories come rushing back to me
they're immediately blocked.
Every now & then a vivid memory
manages to make it through~
I cry so hard that I can't see... (but)
I don't know what else to do.
It took me quite awhile before
I gave into your charms-
I had to reassure myself that I was
safe inside your arms.
Just about the time I'd
finally made myself believe
that you'd always be beside me
It was time for you to leave...
I don't know what was so important
or why you couldn't stick around---
Seems to me there shouldn't be a race
to end up 6 feet underground.
And I feel so damn responsible
for you being there that day...
It weighs so heavy on my heart
that I can't find the words to say
So although I understand that, really,
I couldn't possibly have known
I replay your voicemail messages
& listen hard into the phone
With the hope that maybe (THIS time) you'll say something that I've missed
that makes even just one moment
of that horrid day make sense.
~~~Happy Birthday, Brandon... I'm sure you've finally made it "over the hill"~~~
XOXOX